Frantically, I told someone shortly after my brain injury, “I’m in here!” Admittedly, it was hard for anyone to know for sure because I didn’t sound, move, nor act like myself. My eyes had that blank look like nobody was home.
Let’s see if I can even begin to explain what it was like being me then. Even though huge chunks of my personality were missing and my mental processes were all messed up as well as some physical functioning, my spirit, soul, essence, or whatever you want to call it was always intact and fully aware. The higher me wasn’t injured and remained whole. As a matter of fact, the entity became stronger and more defined as my ego and physical self were less imposing.
I recall wondering, “What part of me is observing me?” as I became aware of some other me watching the damaged me in an unattached and objective manner without any emotional reaction, but with lots of compassion. To actually view myself kindly in this way, instead of criticizing my every move, was new for me.
I was brain damaged, no question about that, but in some ways, I was more introspective and more thoughtful than ever before. The injury had slowed my mind which had a tendency to race like a Jack Russell tirelessly chasing its tail in circles. Now, it was more like an old, fat, hound dog who can barely muster the energy to get up and waddle a few feet only to plop down again.
While I surely wouldn’t have been a winner on Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?, as suggested by reading Ekhart Tolle’s The Power of Now: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment, I had the wherewithal to challenge Descartes’ “I think; therefore, I am.” Although my thinking was impaired, I knew that “I” still was, and that “I” wasn’t affected.
I’ve often thought that recovering from my brain injury was the gradual process of coming back into my body. After one week filled with lots of what I came to call, “tinglies,” which were, I believe, nerves beginning to work again, I remember telling my brother, “I came back into my body this week.”
Although it may sound twilight zone-ish, I now think that I wasn’t too far from the truth. Traditionally, the brain has been thought to be the source of the mind. However, that’s like insisting that a radio is the source of the music which comes from it. Because the brain is active during thought, it may seem to suggest causality, but a radio is also active during a broadcast.
Quantum physics is confirming that there is a field of energy everywhere called “The Zero Point Field.” Rather than the old way of thinking that the mind is what the brain does, science is proving that the mind is the controller of the brain. Imagine that there’s a cloud of possibilities – words, memories, ideas, images – from which your brain can choose at every moment. A possibility only becomes an actuality in the brain. Like the quantum field which has been scientifically proven to generate real particles from virtual ones, the mind generates real brain activity from possible or virtual activity.
Quantum physics is proving to have many new mind-blowing (pun intended) discoveries which are radically rewriting our understanding of the basic principles of our world and universe. Lynn McTaggart’s book, The Field: The Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe, completely altered my perception of reality with the information within its covers. Growing evidence suggests that we all share the same mind field which might explain prodigies like Mozart or savants who can tell what day of the week November 16th falls on in the year 2135.
No physical process has ever been identified through which memories are transferred from old neurons that die every day to new neurons in the brain. Perhaps, memories exist and persist on a nonphysical level. The existence of a common mind field outside of the body would also explain, how someone can relay what dead Uncle George has to say from the beyond and other phenomena such as distant seeing and mind reading.
We can use CAT scans and MRIs to show the activity of the brain, but they don’t prove that the mind arises in the brain. They produce maps showing the terrain of the brain as a thought or emotion crosses it. Deepak Chopra writes in his book, Life After Death: The Burden of Proof: “They don’t prove that the brain IS the mind any more than a footprint in the sand is the same as the foot.”
I see my recovery from my brain injury as a matter of getting my equipment to better receive and express the signal of me again, which always existed, strong and clear. I’ve gone from a crackly, antiquated radio to an iPod. 🙂
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