“It’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” Abraham Lincoln
A family member died today. He was diagnosed with lung cancer last August. Ten months later he is gone. He was 52. Because “old” keeps getting older as I do, that seems so young to me. I am sure that last year, at this time, he was dreaming dreams, making plans, and putting things off until tomorrow as we all do every day. I had a brother who died of AIDS at the age of 33. Four years ago, I tried to commit suicide. That day, my life, as I had known it, ceased to exist.
I do not mean to imply that my situation was similar to that of a cancer victim or someone with AIDS at all except in one regard…life is short. The end can come abruptly as a shock or slowly as a peaceful transition. Either way, I am betting that it seems all too quick.
I believe that, looking at death can lead us to live a fuller life. In order to really experience and embrace life, it’s important to acknowledge and embrace death. I would encourage you to think about death. Your death. Not in a morbid or depressed way, but with some self awareness and curiosity to encourage and inspire you in your life now. Imagine yourself down the road, on your death bed looking back over your life. Of what are you the most proud? What would you have done differently? What do you wish that you had done?
Next, suppose a doctor told you that you had only six months to live. How would you want to fill that time? What would make the list of things to do every day and what would seem incredibly unimportant now? I would bet that having a spotless car or pressed shirt does not even make the list.
Now, if someone told me I had only six weeks to live, I would take what money I have and go somewhere tropical with a beach and eat lots of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. So, that scenario does not exactly work for a lot of introspective benefit for me. However, I do try to live my life so that if I died today, I would be at peace with most everything.
You do have to be responsible and prepare and plan for the future, but, please, do not put off living fully and being happy for “some day.” Have some fun. Indulge a little. (Mom, get that massage!) Say you are sorry. Tell people that you love them. Do it today!
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12 Comments
Hi Debbie. And do it every day!!. You are absolutely spot on. Live now, embrace life. No grudges. No regrets. No dwelling on yesterday or worrying about what might be. You won’t know that till you get there anyway…. Just for today, be happy, don’t get angry, don’t worry about a thing, and be filled with gratitude
and kindness for others. And when tomorrow comes then start all over again.
With my condolences for your losses, take care, Stephen
Stephen, I think you have the right attitude! There is nothing quite like a death of someone in our inner circle to really bring this message home.
I really believe the key is living and loving in the moment today . I don’t even plan for or worry about tomorrow anymore, but loosely kind of direct my efforts. No telling who I will be or what I will be up to tomorrow!
Ah, Debbie, you have discovered that you don’t need to ‘have a life’ because you are life. That way, in this new state of consciousness, of course you can choose who to be and what to do in each new moment. No worries, take care, Stephen
I like it! No need to ‘have a life’ because I AM life! It is a whole different…better, happier, more peaceful…way of being. No worries here..not for too long anyway! 🙂
I think I would rather like knowing about it six months ahead, because to me that’s a decent interval in which to wrap up loose ends and say bye. The majority of people in my own tribe who’ve died didn’t get six minutes notice. We tend to go out in cardiac events. Therefore, I try to live in an attitude of present readiness, and watch my cholesterol.
You seem to have endured an unusual amount of prolonged, painful or tragic exits by those close to you, Debbie. I think if you were here, I would just shut up and hug you.
Virtual hug accepted….and you don’t even have to shut up! 🙂 Thanks for making me smile.
I have had many deaths around me….but, that is part of life and has been a great teacher for me.
My brother was so much fun and was my best friend. What more could a girl want who had no sisters than a fabulous gay brother? Don’ t get me wrong, I have no suicidal fantasies anymore, but I look forward to the day he and I get to reconnect!
“Blink of an eye” just about says it all, doesn’t it? Timely post in my life , for sure.
Nothing like a death to make you stop and think, huh? Brain injuries do the same thing, I think. If we allow both of them to shape us positively, they can make us appreciate even the smallest things in our own lives. Makes me!
Hi Debbie,
This is such an essential reflection to living life well and with meaning! Thank you for the reminder.
We recently had a friend who died of cancer in his fifties. That also seemed so “young” to us. It seems that people are dying earlier these days and I suspect it’s due to our exposure to environmental chemicals.
I wonder if I would continue to blog knowing I had only a short time to live! I’m already on a tropical island so I have that part of your fantasy down! There’s even incredible ice cream made right here. I feel that what’s most important at the moment of death is the state of one’s mind ~ whether it’s filled with love or fear, aggression or other negative states. I’m working on expanding my capacity for love.
Thanks for the introspective post.
Sandra, you bring up a very good point. I wonder if the life span is actually going down overall. Would not surprise me.
I think I would continue to blog knowing I had a short time to live. I would feel compelled to share and to put into words such a powerful experience. As I often find even now, it would be challenging to relay the emotions and perceptions. I feel, that these would be the point of relating and connecting.
I think death similarly connects us and makes us all look at our own life with fresh eyes for a while, at least.
My own sister, going through the trauma of MS and bipolar disorder (there is a connection, though it is not as clinically established as the connection between MS and depression), made a suicide attempt on Independence Day, over twelve years ago. I understand the despair. I am grateful she was able to push through it. And glad you’re still here, too. P.S. My daughter just scheduled our annual mother/daughter massage. Neither of us has any money, but we’re doing it anyway. 🙂
Paula, I really liked your post. Very poignant, interesting, comical story telling. Isn’t it funny how there is a richness,beauty, and learning even in a yard sale. You did a fantastic job of making me feel that.
Good for you for getting the massages. That is what it all about. I give my mother gift certificates for a massage on various occasions. She holds on to them for a year before using them sometimes.